


Piecing Together My Mind

by Lilacskylester (princesslexi763)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Car Accident, Fluff, M/M, Patient!Dan, RBB, Reverse Big Bang, Surgery, doctor!Phil, reverse big bang 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 15:41:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12751266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslexi763/pseuds/Lilacskylester
Summary: When Dan is the victim of a terrible car accident, he suffers unbelievable trauma to his brain. As a result, only a few doctors in the world can perform the operation that is needed for him to recover: one the doctors being Phil Lester from America. Through the surgery and his recovery, Phil is there for him every step of the way, leading them into a spiral of love no one can predict, which eventually gains attention and popularity through a book written by Dan.





	Piecing Together My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> When I first began to write this fic, it came really easily and I was so happy with it. The car accident depicted was actually based upon my own car accident, just more dramatically, because I felt like I needed to vent it out and this fic was perfect for it. Through the process of writing, I went from nearly finishing it in one sitting to not touching it for months, and then finishing it all in one sitting. And it’s been a ride lol. But I seriously wouldn’t be able to do it without the help of my awesome beta @carditawrites because she literally helped give me so much inspiration for this! I really hope you all enjoy it as well! Happy reading! :) 
> 
> ***WARNINGS: hospital settings, car accident, surgery***

In hindsight, Dan should have stayed home. He shouldn’t have attempted to get into his car and drive off in the severe downpour that was washing away the streets. He should have just waited until it stopped. But at the time, he thought the rain was going to stop and he would be able to make it to his parent’s house.

His mind was already clouded with dark afterthoughts and his eyes were blurry with unshed tears as the thought of the break up plagued his head. Maybe if Damien had just waited a few more hours, he wouldn’t have felt so inclined to travel back to his parents’ home in a complete downpour.

Dan could barely see the road in front of him, his headlights not making much of a leeway in this darkness. The glare from the lines on the road weren’t helping his already blurred eyes. Maybe he should have just pulled off and wait until the rain lets up. There wasn’t even a way that he could continue to drive in this.

But his mind told him that he was going to fine and the weather was going to change. The rain was going to stop soon and he would run out of it. So he powered on, his fists gripping the steering wheel tightly to the point where his knuckles were white; his foot moving over the gas pedal and then to the break when he needed to slow down.

He didn’t even know how long he had been driving now. It had been at least an hour. Maybe he wasn’t even going in the right direction. To be fair, he couldn’t tell. His windshield wipers were going as fast as they could and they still weren’t fast enough. They were beating away the rain that Dan just willed to stop so he could get to the safe haven of his parents. He craved their attention in ways that he couldn’t nearly describe. All he wanted to do was cry to them about how much he loved Damien and how heart broken he was.

The slip… he felt it within the first couple seconds. The tires on the car were fighting to pass through the water that was on the road. Dan’s foot found the break and he pressed it, willing his car to slow down but it wasn’t working. The back of his car had a mind of it’s own, swinging out right and he heard the noise. Metal on metal in a collision that will forever haunt Dan’s mind.

He didn’t remember what happened after that. Maybe a couple of turns and possibly some more colliding. All he knew was that the airbags deployed, leaving his flesh with black and blue marks that would later sting when he took a breath.

For the first few moments after the accident, Dan was conscious enough to realize the severity of it all. His car was upside down somewhere and his head burned with pain. His limbs felt tired and exhausted and he knew he needed to get out, call for help and pray that someone would come by and see him.

He went to move when his arm felt like it was grinding against shard glass. He cried out, trying his best to just escape but he knew he wasn’t going to do this by himself. He needed to get help.

His arm was moving to the passenger seat for his phone when he heard the first siren come. It was far enough away where the sound didn’t hurt his ears but close enough that he knew he was going to get help.

But he didn’t get to see the police officers and ambulance arrive, because his sight went black just moments before and his body fell limp.

* * *

The distant beeping was what pulled him from the void that clouded his mind. He opened his eyes and then immediately closed them when white fluorescent lights filled his vision. It was too bright in there: he needed it to be darker.

His body had other plans though, and his eyes reopened. It took a moment to adjust before he processed where he even was. Was he dead? Was this heaven? Was that why he was suddenly being blinded by the light? He was no believer in God but maybe after this, he would be.

After a moment of adjustment, he was able to come to his senses and realize that he was in an all white room. Cords littered the floors as they led out of his body in various places. The distant beeping wasn’t a weird noise that he was just hearing; it was his heart monitor.

His eyes hurt to adjust but quickly a pair of blue scrubs came into view and he opened them wider to see who was in front of him. A perky blonde in all blue scrubs was stood at his bedside, a clipboard in hand and stethoscope around her neck. “Good morning, Mr. Howell. We’re extremely happy to see you’re awake!”

Dan turned his head and whimpered at the ache of pain in his neck. His muscles felt stiff and unmoved, his mouth felt like cotton and as he opened it to ask for pain meds, he realized he wanted water a lot more. “Wa—wat—water,” he croaked out.

The nurse quickly moved around the bed and came back with a clear cup filled with the cool liquid. She handed it to Dan, who reached up to grab it when he realized he couldn’t move his arm very fell. Maybe it was the stiff muscles, but it took some shaky movements to get to the cup where the nurse helped him ingest the refreshing liquid.

When the cup was empty, the nurse moved it back to the side before looking him over. “How is your pain, Mr. Howell?”

“H-hurts,” he croaked out, his head now pounding and his lower body radiating pain. He didn’t know if it was from the movements he was doing now after being dormant for so long or from the accident…

The accident. The memory suddenly flooded his head. He had gotten into a car accident: he knew that much, but he couldn’t remember what happened or what had caused it.

“Well, we can’t have you be in pain, can we?” the blonde stated as she picked up a syringe and injected the liquid medication into his IV. The long tube was connected to an area in his arm, scaring him slightly, but he looked like a machine being fed by wires.

Nearly instantly, his pain began to lesson and he relaxed into the bed, noting the terrible quality of the mattress he was lying on. “Do you know what happened, Dan?”

The sudden use of his first name made him turn his head a lot quicker than he should have. He groaned inwardly to himself at the movement and willed his muscles to relax to ease the pain. “No,” he finally said softly, his voice hoarse and raspy.

“Well, I’ll wait for the doctor to tell you then,” she said sympathetically. “You were conscious for the first few minutes in the hospital and I didn’t know if you were aware then?”

Dan shook his head softly, leaning back into the bed and shutting his eyes. Just this simple conversation was using all of his energy. He felt drained and ready to sleep all over again. He just wanted to relax further.

“You’re welcome to relax, Dan,” she said gently. “The doctor is now aware that you are awake and he’ll be wanting to speak with you soon, okay?”

Dan wanted to nod, but instead he let go of a shallow breath and shut his eyes. He let the nurse continue her routine vital checks as he felt poked and prodded all over again. She checked his breathing, his blood pressure, his IV drip, and a bit more that Dan couldn’t tell.

It wasn’t long after she was finished that he heard a soft knock against the door and the creak of it opening. He opened his eyes long enough to notice a tall middle aged man with a white coat enter his room. This had to be the doctor. His grey hair and glasses gave way that he was an experienced man and Dan didn’t know if that made him feel better or not.

“Are you finished, Louise?” the male boomed out in a deep voice.

The nurse, called Louise, nodded her head before exiting the room and taking the cart of equipment with her in the process. Meanwhile, the doctor was now pulling up a seat next to Dan’s bed, which scared Dan because this had to be obviously serious. There would be no other reason for the doctor to be sitting, other than telling him bad news. Maybe he was going to die after all.

The thought scared him more than the idea of being hurt.

“How are you feeling, Dan?”

Dan felt the urge to shrug his shoulders, but he didn’t know if he was able to do that action so he just replied, “Okay,” instead.

“Well, that’s good,” The doctor noted. “My name is Dr. Meny and I was your surgeon last night.”

Surgeon. Dan knew that wasn’t good. He had gone through surgery and never even known it.

“You see,” Dr. Meny continued. “If you cannot remember, you were the victim of a very serious car crash. You were brought to me at the emergency room last night, and had appeared fine. However, after just a few minutes within the ER, you began to fall into a seizure. Unknowing what could have caused this, we notified your next of kin - your parents - and they told us you had no history of seizures. Confused, we performed a CT Scan of the brain and noticed that you have swelling, which is what we call cerebral edema, or excess fluid within the walls of the brain cells. Now, noting this, our next priority was decreasing the pressure as much as possible because if there is a lot of pressure inside the skull, blood will not flow to that section of the brain and therefore, it can lead to very serious health conditions. This includes seizures, strokes, and even death.” He paused for a moment.

Dan took the time to process what he was hearing and a single tear escaped down his cheek as he thought the worst. He was going to die and this was the doctor telling him that he only had a short time to live. He knew it. Reaching a hand up, he felt the bandage around his head that he had never felt before. He moved his hand back down and allowed for the doctor to speak to him more.

“Now, do not think that this isn’t treatable,” Dr. Meny said reassuringly. “This can be treatable and that is why we operated last night in an emergency surgery. We went in and tried to relieve the pressure by removing some of the extra fluid because, you see, when the accident occurred, you did damage to your head. And I’m sure you probably are feeling the symptoms of it, like memory loss.” Dan nodded slowly, because he was experiencing that.“But the surgery was unsuccessful. We were not able to remove that fluid.”

“So what does that mean?” Dan asked just as soon as the doctor’s words were finished. “Why wasn’t it able to fixed if it’s treatable?”

“Well, here is the thing,” The doctor began, “We think that there is something further inside of the brain that isn’t allowing for the swelling to go down. We think there is some trauma further down that we are not seeing. Since we are not specialists on the brain, we can only do so much.”

“But what can I do?” Dan pleaded. “What options are there for me?”

The doctor pulled out a notebook from his jacket pocket and flipped open the cover, “In the time that you have been recovering, we have found three surgeons in the world that are able to work inside the brain in a precise way that will not damage the brain. We have contacted all of them and two have responded,” he pulled out a pen and wrote some things on his notepad. “However, until we can find out which one will be willing to take on your case, we are obligated not to disclose their information.”

Dan seethed inside of his head. Why couldn’t he know who would be opening his head up and drilling into his brain? Wasn’t he important enough to find out?

“When will we find out?”

“Well,” Dr. Meny began. “We heard back from one of the two doctors, this one being from America, who is willing to fly out and consult you to do the surgery. However, we have not heard back from the other doctor—”

“I want the first one,” Dan spat out. “I want the one that is willing to fly from America to here to do my procedure.”

“Are you sure?” Dr. Meny asked, scribbling something else on his notepad.

“Yes,” Dan spoke out. “I want them to do the procedure because they’re clearly willing to fly over here to see me, so they deserve to operate on me.”

“But this needs careful—”

“Why?” Dan asked in a spiteful manner. “Why would I need to be careful about this? My brain is swelled. Remember, you told me so. This could mean so much and…” Dan felt his voice get choked up. “I want to be able to have a doctor who wants to do the procedure for me instead of doing it for the money. That’s all.”

“Dan, I just want to reiterate that—”

“I know,” Dan interrupted, “I want that doctor.”

Dr. Meny sighed and wrote something more on his notepad before standing up from his sitting position, “I will have my secretary contact the doctor and we’ll go from there.”

“Am I able to know the doctors name now?” Dan asked, relaxing into the bed as a strong headache began to form in the back of his skull.

“His name is Dr. Philip Lester and he’s a prized Neurosurgeon from Los Angeles.”

Dan nodded, half listening to the words as the pain in his head began to radiate towards his eyes and his vision clouded. Groaning in discomfort, he squeezed his eyes shut and gripped onto the blankets of his hospital bed with white knuckles as he willed for the pain meds to take over and take away this God-awful pain.

His wish was soon granted as he slipped into a black void as his body refused to fight the pain.

* * *

They had him Skype with Dr. Lester that afternoon, following the arrival of Dan’s parents who were worried sick over their son. Dr. Meny had reassured Dan multiple times that he was going to be okay and that he could do all normal, everyday things but he just had to be wary of his head and hitting it on surfaces too hard. For instance, like Dr. Lester later explained, lying down in bed or on a couch too fast.

But that still didn’t help his worry.

With his laptop sat on the conveniently placed table, he Skyped with this Philip Lester and felt his worries simultaneously diminish and also increase. On the screen, Dr. Lester appeared to be extremely professional as he spoke to Dan in the comfort of his office. The time difference was very clear but that didn’t seem to affect Dr. Lester at all.

Dr. Lester explained to Dan that his life was not going to be affected at all if he can help it. In fact, he had already booked a flight straight to the UK to see Dan the following day which Dan thought was extremely generous. He’d never heard of a doctor doing this before but in all honesty, he liked that.

The Skype call didn’t last long, because Dr. Lester told him that he was going to consult with him tomorrow more about what he can do to help Dan out. In the meantime, Dan was just worried about something else happening to alter his already swelled mind.

This worry was aggravated since earlier in the day, just as Dr. Meny was about to leave, Dan fell into another seizure that he had to be brought out of. He came out exhausted and ready to collapse. He couldn’t remember that it happened, but he had a sinking feeling that it had occurred.

Once Dan was alone with his parents again, they questioned him about Damien. But Dan didn’t even know who Damien was. Apparently, Damien was Dan’s boyfriend., but Dan couldn’t remember him. He didn’t even know of anyone named Damien.

A picture was showed to him from his nearly destroyed mobile phone which confirmed to him that he, in fact, did know a Damien and he was somehow involved with Dan. Another quick look at his text messages proved that whatever he had with Damien had fizzled out because of another person named “Becky”.

“Are you sure that you don’t remember him, Dan?” Dan’s father stated in a helpful manner as he sat at Dan’s bedside.

Dan shook his head as slowly and carefully as possible because no, he did not remember him. Frankly, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. It had to be a blessing that his short term memory was altered so he couldn’t remember Damien and anything he did.

“Well, I guess that’s okay,” Dan’s mother piped in, “Right, John?”

Dan’s father nodded before reaching out and taking Dan’s hand in his own, squeezing his palm gently. Dan looked down at their clasped hands and smiled. He will be forever grateful for the love and support he received from his parents all this time.

“So the doctor comes in tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yes, he should be here in the morning.”

“But when will the surgery be?”

Dan shrugged his shoulders carefully. “Hopefully soon,” he said. “I don’t want any more damage to be done and I want whatever damage I do have to be fixed.”

“We know, Daniel,” his mother added. “But we’re very scared right now.” Tears glistened in her eyes.

Dan tried to fake a smile to tell her that he was okay but it faltered and tears cascaded down his cheeks like a stream. He wasn’t sure if he was ever going to be okay. He always joked about death but now that he was on the verge of death, it was terrifying him. He never got to fulfill his life. He hadn’t done what he was set out to do. If he was to die now, he wouldn’t have a lasting impression on anyone.

He needed to be remembered by something. If he didn’t make a lasting impression, then what did he ever do with his life besides waste it away?

A book.

Dan was going to write a book. But a book on what? He was fighting within himself mentally to the point where he was giving himself another headache. What would he write a book about?

Then the idea hit him.

He would write a book about this. About the car accident and what he remembered; about his fight for life as his brain swelled; about the doctor who was gonna save his life. He was gonna write a memoir. He was already thinking of the ideas for it in his head.

He was going to make a difference. If he survived this battle, he was going to show everyone what he went through: the seizures that he never used to have; the memory loss; everything.

“What are your thoughts right now, Daniel?” His mother asked, placing a hand over his fathers that was still clasped in Dan’s own hand.

“I want to survive this,” Dan stated, with a newfound courage in his voice. “I will survive this. Dr. Lester will help me. He’ll heal me and find the damage that is causing my seizures and pain.”

“Yes, Daniel,” she added. “God is looking over you in ways that we cannot believe.”

Dan had to agree with her words. He was a self-proclaimed Atheist but even he had to admit that this was somewhat of a miracle.

“Why don’t you get some rest, Daniel?” His father said suddenly, reaching behind him and undoing their hands so he could fluff Dan’s pillows, “I think you deserve to sleep for a little bit and rest your eyes.”

Dan had to agree with that as well. He was exhausted in ways that he simply couldn’t describe. His eyelids weighed heavily on his lashes and his mouth fought back a yawn. Shutting his eyes, this time with his own control, he relaxed into the bed and succumbed to the brink of sleep that was overtaking him.

* * *

“Dan.” Louise, his nurse, spoke as he carefully chewed away at a piece of toast. “Dr. Lester has just arrived to the hospital and is requesting to see you immediately. Is it okay for him to come in?”

Dan nodded, finishing up his bite of food before brushing the crumbs off from his hands onto the bedding that was surrounding his tired and bruised legs. He saw his body for the first time last night when he used the bathroom. The mirror didn’t lie when it showed him a discolored face with a bruised left side; cuts and scratches that littered his stomach and bruises that littered his chest, and the dark marks that stung on his thighs when he walked. He nearly cried because for the first time in his life, Dan didn’t recognize the man staring back at him in the mirror.

He had one more seizure that night. He woke up briefly before he fell into it, the machines going crazy as this one became the strongest and worst one yet that Dan has experienced. The nurses murmured about him. He heard their talk as they all discussed how Dan needs to be seen. The more seizures he has, the worse his brain would be and the more damage he would have: permanent damage that would change his life forever.

Dan’s parents were waiting in agony to hear about what Dr. Lester has to say. They wanted to stay by Dan’s side but Dan didn’t want them to worry so he sent them to a hotel for the night instead. He was sure that they were probably at the hospital, sitting in the waiting room while they thought Dan was still asleep. And hell, Dan still would be, considering the time was six in the morning but he had to be woken up for vital checks every few hours and they got the best of him last night.

“Yes,” Dan said to Louise, “I’m really eager to see him.”

Nearly a minute later, a soft knock echoed into his room and Dan watched as the door slowly opened. A raven haired man walked through the door with glasses that bridged the top of his nose. When he turned to Dan’s direction, Dan felt all breath leave his body as he stared into his deep blue eyes.

This had to be Dr. Lester.

“Pleasure to finally see you, Dan.,” He spoke with soft, careful words. “I’m sure you already know but incase you don’t, I’m Dr. Lester. It’s great to meet you in person and not over a webcam.”

Dan smiled at him. Not just a small friendly smile but a full big smile because he already felt better with him here. Dr. Lester gave off this presence that significantly made Dan feel better.

Dr. Lester’s hand stretched out to Dan’s and Dan took it in a warm handshake.“Nice to meet you too, Dr. Lester.”

“Oh please!” he said pulling up a seat next to Dan and taking out a medical chart. “You can call me Phil since I’m going to be seeing more of you than you probably want.”

Dan could have choked. Seriously, if he had been eating, he would have because that crude humor was exactly what Dan liked. He knew instantly he was going to like this guy.

“That came out really wrong,” Phil chuckled like a high schooler. “Oh, what a great first impression I have made. My excuse is that jet lag has gotten the better of me this morning.”

Before Dan could get any words in, Phil interjected again with the medical talk nearly immediately, “I have reviewed your CT scans and can tell already that the doctors here have missed a vital part of what is causing the swelling. From what I have seen, I can tell you are bleeding inside of your brain. The damage suffered is quite extensive and is quite definitely what is causing the seizures. Now, here is the problem: I will need to go into your brain within the next 24 hours because if any more bleeding occurs, life threatening instances will occur, and I don’t want that happening okay?”

Dan nodded slowly, having trouble keeping down his breakfast after hearing Phil’s words. Goosebumps crawled up his skin and prickled at his nerves. His stomach twisted into knots and squeezed as he processed the words that were just spoken to him. The more he thought about the phrase “life threatening instances will occur”, the worse his stomach felt and he temporarily looked around just in case he needed to expel his breakfast somewhere.  

“So what we are going to do, is that I’m going to do a final CT scan on you. What that scan is going to show is what I will be working with here. If your brain is swelled further, it’s going to make my job much more difficult. But do not worry! I will fix the problem,” Phil then leans over the bed, causing Dan to wonder what he’s doing until Phil shows him a graphic template of a brain on an iPad that shows exactly what Phil is going to do. “So here is the plan: you are going to be awake for the entire thing, just sedated. I am going to open up the cranial flap large enough to open the skull and reveal the brain. Once inside, I’m going to carefully relieve the fluid in a determined way so that all the swelling will decrease. Once the swelling goes down, I will go further into the brain and use a clamp to cut off the blood flow wherever you are bleeding. Once the bleeding is done, I’ll cauterize the artery. By the looks of it, the bleeding is coming from just above the cerebral cortex, which is a big deal because if the bleeding doesn’t stop, you can go into shock. This can cause anything from paralysis to stroke, to an aneurism to death.” Dan nodded slowly to Phil’s words. “During the procedure, you’re going to be speaking with me. This is how I will know that I haven’t hit anything in the brain that can be life threatening. Do not be afraid, okay, Dan? Everything is going to be fine.”

“I’m really scared,” were the only words that came out of Dan’s mouth.

Phil nodded, pulling the iPad away and setting his belongings on the end of Dan’s bed. He reached out and grabbed Dan’s hand, noting the loss of color within Dan’s skin, and squeezed softly. Dan was shaking slightly, his body feeling fear from the impending operation. What Dan didn’t know was that Phil was nervous too but Phil couldn’t begin to even imagine the fear that must be setting inside of Dan as he spoke. “I know, Dan,” he said sympathetically  but at the same time he knew his words would be helpless. “I’m nervous too because this is the hardest procedure I’ve ever done, but I have full confidence that I’m going to get it. I’m going to heal you.”

Dan took a deep, shuddering breath before nodding and smiling softly at Phil. “I trust you.”

“I know,” Phil reiterated. “Now, I have to go over the risks. Anything done to the brain is a risk in itself. Although it’s never happened to me, one slip could be fatal. Any little slip from me and my scalpel can cause paralysis or death, but that’s not gonna happen.”

Dan nodded and took another deep breath, “So when does this happen?”

“If we can get your CT scan done this morning, I can do the surgery this afternoon.”

“That soon?”

Phil nodded. “The sooner the better.”

Phil’s hand released from Dan’s long enough for a new nurse to come in and begin prepping Dan’s for his CT Scan. Dan was amazed at the quick work of the doctors and nurses at this hospital, but Phil quickly mentioned that he put the order in as soon as he arrived this morning. Phil was just as shocked about the quick work.

Dan was wheeled to the nuclear imaging center of the hospital where he was shifted from his bed to another much less padded and much colder gurney. He was instructed to lay flat as they adjusted the lead protective shields around him. He’d groan and whimper if a nurse was too rough with him. Moments later, a loud voice boomed through the speaker next to him that caused him to relax: it was Phil.

“We’re about to start the scan now,” Phil said. “We’re going to move you inside of the camera now where you will be scanned. The test should go by fast and I’ll be here to speak with you the entire time.”

The bed underneath him suddenly shifted and he looked to see that he was moving forward into this cylinder that reminded him of a coffin. He felt like everything was closing in on him and he gripped the sheets under him, claustrophobia setting in.

“Dan,” Phil’s voice spoke out to him. “Dan? Can you calm down for us? Your heart rate and brain activity have suddenly spiked.”

“I’m sorry,” Dan spoke out, mostly in a whisper.

“It’s okay, Dan,” Phil coaxed. “Everything is going to be okay. I know that it’s hard to believe right now but you’re going to be okay.”

Dan didn’t move but he felt like he needed to relieve the pressure and tension from his shoulder blades. A weight was now sat on them, making him feel even more weighed down than the lead blanket that had given him to protect from radiation.

“Okay, we’re about to start the scan so stay as still as possible, got it?”

Dan didn’t reply. Instead he felt the hair on his body prickle up from the radiation. It made a small shiver go through his spine at the thought of the scan he was going through pumping his body full of toxic chemicals. But to Dan, this definitely isn’t the worst thing to happen right now. The worst thing would be him falling into a seizure on this gurney.

Dan could still feel and hear the buzzing around himself as the scan continued. He didn’t hear anything from Phil over the speaker for a while, until Phil told him the scan was almost over. Just a few moments after that, Dan heard the buzzing stop and he was soon being retracted from the cold metal tube he was just inside.

As Dan was helped back onto the gurney, his head throbbed with pain and he felt the need to reach out and grab onto whatever he could hold. Within moments, his vision blacked and his worst fears came true as he fell into another seizure: right there in the room as Phil ran to his help.

This one was a lot harder to come out of. His body was just so tired of fighting it and he wanted them to just stop completely. When he opened his eyes slowly, Phil was staring at him with concern laced over his face. He reached out, pushing Dan’s fringe away from his eyes and tucked it gently behind his ear. Dan relaxed into the touch, his body still tense and rigid.

“You won’t have this hair for much longer,” Phil said with a gentle smile. “But to be fair, I think you’ll look fine bald.”

“Hmm,” Dan voiced. “I don’t know about that.”

Dan’s words were slurred and showed of exhaustion.

Phil smiled at him. “We’re going to do your surgery in a few hours, okay?” he stated. “But when you keep falling into seizures, it makes it hard for us because we need to ensure you’re not going to have one when you’re being operated on.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Phil said, running his hands gently through Dan’s exposed hair. “I know they’re not your fault,” he said. “But do you know when you’re about to fall into one?”

Dan nodded softly. “I get a headache and then my vision blurs.”

“So you’ll be able to tell me if you start feeling one?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s all I need to know,” Phil stated to Dan as he retracted his hand from Dan’s hair. Dan visibly shook from the cold chill he got when the touch was left. He felt like a puppy who just wanted to be petted and have attention. “After your recovery, do you think you would care to join me for lunch?”

Dan opened his eyes a little bit more, even though they were still heavy with exhaustion. “Possibly,” he spoke. “As long as you can guarantee that I’ll still be alive.”

“Then it’s a date.”

Dan smiled to himself, finding himself blushing at the forwardness that Phil was showing to him. He felt good at the presence of Phil. He liked having Phil here: it made him feel safe and secure.

“I need to go and get prepared but I’ll see you in a few hours okay?”

Dan smiled at him. “Okay, Dr. Lester.”

Phil smiled back at him as he stood up from where he was sat and walked towards the door. He gave Dan one last look before exiting the room, leaving Dan shaking like a leaf as the nerves of the surgery kicked in.

The operating room was cold. Dan had asked for a blanket as he sat up on the operating table. A back support for him braced against his spine as he was told he’d be sitting for awhile. According to Phil, the surgery could take anywhere from 2 hours to 8 hours depending on what he found once inside his brain. But regardless of the time it would take, Phil was going to fix him.

He was slowly being sedated with a list of medication that Dan didn’t even know. He was still awake but he was numb everywhere and couldn’t even move his own arm. The idea of being in a temporary paralysis was quite terrifying but the thought of having his brain wide open for Phil was worse.

Per the request of his parent’s, they had the hospital pastor come into his room and say a prayer for him right before he was wheeled away for surgery. Dan had cried hysterically to his mother before he left, telling her he was scared of it. She tried her best to help him out of the fear but when she was fearful herself, it was hard. He had Phil’s reassurance and guidance to help him through this but he was still terrified out of his mind.

Right before Phil was set to enter the operating room, the anesthesiologist come in with a syringe and went to inject the liquid into Dan. “What is that?” he slurred.

“Dr. Lester has requested you be fully sedated for the procedure after all. He is saying that the risks are too high to leave you in a mild sedative.”

Dan felt himself start to panic. He had been told this entire time that Phil would talk with him through the procedure and now he was going to be knocked out. What about if he got knocked out and then never woke back up? He’d be put to sleep quite literally.

He was terrified now. His body shaking even though it was paralyzed and now he was on the verge of tears. “Take two deep breaths, Dan.”

Dan struggled to take in the one when he felt the world around him begin to spin. Just as his vision was blacking out, he watched Phil put his gloves on as he walked into the operating room.

* * *

**One Week Later**

“How are you feeling, Dan?”

Dan sat up straighter in his hospital bed, his head still slightly sore but his body feeling much more recuperate. He eyed Phil up and down as he stepped inside in his typical hospital attire.

“Really good!” Dan finally answered.

“That’s great!” Phil answered, moving forward and sitting down next to Dan at his bedside.

Dan’s surgery had taken nearly six hours. Phil worked until he found every last thing wrong and he fixed every single one. His surgery was a pure success and Phil had never been so proud of the fact that he completed such a dangerous surgery.

It was after the surgery that really showed Phil’s generosity to Dan. Phil was supposed to fly back a few days prior but had decided to stay until Dan was fully recovered. He predicted that within six weeks, Dan’s healing would be nearly complete but six months would be when he saw full change back into normality.

At one week later, Dan was beginning to see the signs that normality was on the horizon. Just one day after the surgery, the nurses had him up and walking around to make sure he hadn’t suffered any onset nerve damage. Phil didn’t think Dan would but he still watched from the sidelines as Dan walked slowly up and down the hallways.

By the second day, Dan was feeling really good. The nurses removed his bandages for the first time and he was able to see the intricate stitch work of Phil that went halfway around his head. He felt a little destress over seeing his hair being gone but Phil had reassured him that he looked fine without.

Phil was Dan’s biggest supporter at that point. Besides his parents, Phil was always there for each small milestone that Dan went through. Everything that Dan did, they did together. Even though Phil was Dan’s doctor, Dan felt like he had a friendship with Phil that was building quite fast.

It was the beginning of Dan’s recovery process. Phil wanted to start him fast so he would learn his skills and memory back fast. Phil talked about sending Dan to a specialist to help but Dan insisted that Phil was fine to help him. So Phil helped him slowly, but he was grateful for every little bit.

They began with basic information., like Dan’s family. So Phil asked Dan questions about his family, like what his mother’s name was and his father’s name and if he had any brothers or sisters. The entire time, Dan felt humiliated, because he knew his family. He didn’t see how this was helping him if he already remembered all of this. Dan felt like laughing at Phil, because that for this was a joke for Phil to get his humor up. It turned out not be.

The second test Phil conducted involved an advised trip to the centre of London, where Dan was told to recite the directions to a store. Dan did so easily, even showing Phil little quirks on the streets to prove that he did remember. Pleasantly surprised, Phil decided to test three other locations, and Dan remembered these just as easy. Phil was rather proud. In fact, he was almost sure that they wouldn’t need any more tests. To be sure, he did another one just in case.

The third and final test came in the form of puzzles. Phil hid a single cheerio underneath a cup, and then told Dan to point out which cup the cheerio was under, and Dan failed every time. Phil was dumbfounded as to why Dan wasn’t getting this riddle. So he tried it again. This time, he made Dan follow his line of vision so he could see where the cheerio was going, and that helped Dan a lot. But that still didn’t make Phil happy with the results. He pushed Dan for the rest of the day, trying to get him to help and to learn.

That night, Dan felt something inside of his head. Something that signalled something was wrong. He was already stressed from not doing good on the test earlier that day, so maybe that had something to do with it? Phil was writing something else down in his notes, ready to leave when Dan stopped him. “Don’t leave!” Dan pleaded, “My head doesn’t feel good.”

“What’s going on?” Phil asked, extremely concerned.

“I…I feel like I could have another seizure and I’m scared.”

Phil stood up from where he was sat and walked over to Dan’s bed, sitting down next to him, “You need to relax for one.”

“I can’t,” Dan cried, “I’m stressed!”

“Can I?” Phil asked, and Dan was confused until Phil lifted the blankets off from Dan’s legs and slid underneath, getting close to him, “Scoot into me and just relax.”

Hesitant, but eager to stop the bad feeling, Dan did so. He moved closer and cuddled into him, letting Phil massage his back to soothe him. Soon, Dan had fallen asleep; the bad feeling gone.

In the morning, before Dan was awake, Phil checked him over, running a quick check up on his brain, noticing the activity was normal. He smiled in content, before leaving for his other plan for the morning. He went to the hospital store and picked up a box of chocolate and a bouquet of flowers. When he got back up to the room, Dan was just waking, and surprised to see Phil standing there with his gifts.

“Why did you get me these?” Dan asked.

“Because you had a rough night last night and I want you to feel better.”

And Dan knew in that moment that something new and exciting was brewing between him and Phil.

* * *

Dan was filled with nervous energy the day he was released from the hospital. His stitches were nearly healed and dissolved and his hair was growing back the way it should be. He still wore a cap over his head though to cover the lack of hair.

Phil had left with him. Dan was shocked at the fact Phil had cancelled his flight again to stay with Dan for a few more weeks. Dan was ever so grateful for the friendship that Phil has given him: all of the nights Phil had stayed in the hospital beside him, the days Phil had got him food because the hospital food was terrible, and the one special night where Dan felt like he was going into a seizure but Phil held him in his bed to calm him down. All of these led up to the present where Phil was now holding his hand as Dan shakily climbed out of the taxi at his apartment.

Dan couldn’t remember anything about his apartment. If he thought hard enough, which he tried not to do because he was scared of something happening, he could remember little details: like how his bed was against a white wall and how he had a white piano in the corner. All of that was merely just an image to Dan and he didn’t even know if it was something his brain was making up.

“You okay?” Phil asked in a soft voice as Dan stood on both feet, his knees shaking slightly.

“Just a little nervous is’all,” Dan replied making a few steps on the uneven pavement underneath.

The truth was that Dan wasn’t scared of walking or moving, he was just scared of falling. He was terrified of hitting his head on anything and even though Phil has sworn up and down that he’ll be okay, Dan was still nervous.

Phil took a hold of his hand and led him to the stairs of his apartment building. Dan slowly and carefully took the steps one step at a time as he held onto the railing with white knuckles. Looking up in front of him, Dan didn’t recognize the door, but yet he had this familiar feeling in the core of his stomach that told him this was his apartment.

Phil handed Dan the keys that Dan had given him, too scared that he would lose them if he held them himself. With shaking hands, he pressed the key into the doorknob, and twisted, allowing the door to spring open. Immediately, the scent of home flooded his sense and Dan smiled, feeling grateful to not smell disinfectant anymore. Walking through the doorway, the first thing he notices is that there is a TV on in the distance. The slightly static and grainy sound made its way to his ear.

He suddenly tenses.

Who was in his apartment?

He reached behind him and gripped Phil’s hand, walking slowly, “Someone’s in here,” Dan mumbled.

Phil looked at him, “Are you sure?”

Dan nodded, “The TV is on. I can hear it.”

Phil took the lead, walking towards the now loud sound that was resonating through the tiny apartment. As they near closer, a pair of legs come into view and Dan’s heart kick starts. He leans closer to Phil, confused and upset about who could have broken into his apartment, especially when he’s been in the hospital?

“Who…who are you?” Dan asked, his voice shaky and unsure, lacking confidence.

The figure suddenly stood up and rushed over to him. Dan cowered, turning into Phil and hiding. The man was large, with broad shoulders and blonde hair. He scared Dan…Dan didn’t even know who he was or why he was here.

“Dan?” The voice boomed, deep and emotion filled, “Baby, is that really you?”

Dan turned his head, feeling his bandages catch a little on Phil’s shirt, but he ignored it and stared at the man, getting a good look at him, “Who are you and why are you calling me baby?”

The man’s eyes widened, a now deep brown that was sucking Dan in, “Dan? Do you not remember me?”

Dan was confused, horribly and terribly confused. He shook his head.

“Dan, I’m Damien…your boyfriend,” Dan felt his heart drop into his stomach, “We had a fight one night and…and you left and then I never heard anything from you. I…I called everyone and everywhere for you and no one knew! I was so scared, baby!”

Something about the man, Damien’s, words bit at Dan in an uncomfortable way. He didn’t like his tone, and he didn’t like what he was saying. Something was resonating deep inside of him, telling him something was terribly wrong.

“From what I know,” Phil suddenly chipped in, long forgotten in the reunion of Damien and Dan, “You broke up with Dan that night.”

That thought clicked in Dan’s head. That sounded about right.

“So why are you still in his apartment?” Phil asked, “And further, why didn’t you try harder to locate your so-called boyfriend as he was lying dying in the hospital?”

Dan swallowed hard, a sudden headache beginning in the back of his head near his neck. He said a silent ‘ow’ and moved his hand to touch the sore spot.

“Dan…come on now, you remember me?” Damien spewed out, “We loved each other. We…we had everything and we…”

“Damien,” Dan finally got out. “I don’t remember you,” he stressed, “And I don’t remember anything that you are saying. But the part that is striking inside of my head is that everything you are saying is a lie. I would really like you gone, now, okay?”

“You can’t kick me out of our apartment, Dan!” Damien cried, “I help pay for this!”

Dan shook his head, “You don’t anymore and I want you go. If you’re not gone, I’m going to call the police.”

Damien’s body tensed, and he backed up away from Dan was shaking and holding tightly onto Phil’s arm for leverage. He didn’t understand where the sudden confidence boost came from but he was glad it was there. He felt a sort of relief over the fact that he stood up to Damien. Maybe that’s what his old self wanted to do all along too.

Damien walked away, stomping over to the living room where he looked reluctant to do anything. But then he was gone, and the sound of various thrown items hitting the floor was heard throughout the apartment.

And Dan felt incredibly okay with this…it was exactly what he needed.

* * *

“You’ve had a rough day so what about watching a movie?”

Dan looked up from their dinner that Phil had ordered from a local restaurant just down the road. He was happy to eat something else besides mediocre hospital food. This Pad Thai was much more exciting to eat than grilled chicken that was way overcooked and hard.

“Yeah, that sounds okay with me,” Dan said with a smirk.

Phil was already done eating, and although Dan had a long ways to go, Phil stood up and headed into Dan’s living room and turned on the TV. Dan watched from the corner of his eye to see Phil open Netflix and surf through the movies until he finally found a new TV that Netflix just released, “I know you said that you wanted to watch a movie but what about this show? It’s called Stranger Things and it seems really interesting!”

Dan smiled wider, an unspoken agreement that he was okay to watch the show instead. He finished his food in slow bites before moving into the living room.

Sitting on the couch, there was evident space between him and Phil. He knew that he and Phil had gotten a lot closer than they intended to. For one, it wasn’t a normal occurrence for a doctor to go home with a patient. But Phil had insisted.

He suddenly felt brave. Moving closer to Phil, he scooted until their thighs touched and Dan leaned into him. He carefully rested his head on Phil’s chest, letting himself relax. It was such a small intimate gesture, but one that meant so much to them both at the same time.

They show became forgotten as Dan sat back up, staring Phil in the eyes before leaning in. He didn’t mean to, but he was. And now Phil was leaning in as well. And then their lips were touching, so soft and feather-like against each other.

And then it was all over. The kiss just remained that soft gentle kiss. And Dan smiled. He smiled brightly and Phil smiled back, reaching up and smoothing his thumb over Dan’s cheek, “Spend the night?” Dan asked.

“Okay.”

* * *

The day came way before either one wanted it to come. The day of Phil’s flight back to America where he would need to go back to work and see his patients that have been waiting for him for these long months.

But Dan didn’t want him to go. He never wanted him to leave.

They were stood in Dan’s door way, Phil’s hand intertwined in his as they faced each other, “Let’s go get coffee,” Phil said, “Spend one last good time together before I leave.”

The words were bitter and they hurt Dan as he listened. His bandages were gone and his incision on his head was just a scar now, his hair was growing around it and looking nice. But he was scared of never looking the same as he once was.

“I…don’t want you to leave.” Dan said, the words catching in his throat.

“I know,” Phil said sadly, “I don’t want to either. So that’s why we should make the most of our last day together.”

Dan joined him, and they headed to the coffee shop, both of them ignoring the somber feeling in the air around them.

Over the course of the past few weeks, they had developed something. Little kisses here and there and cuddling was in their everyday routine. Phil even stayed majority of his time with Dan in his apartment. But they never said to each other what they were. But it was evident both wanted more.

They sat in silence for a while at the coffee shop before Dan finally spoke, “At least this will give me an excuse to finally visit America.”

A sad look washed over Phil’s face, “Dan…”

“And you can show me around!” Dan spoke up, his voice wavering as he held back tears, “I’ve always wanted to see New York City and you can show me, right?”

Dan broke and began to cry, silent tears ran down his cheeks as he picked up a napkin and furiously wiped them away. Phil began to speak to him, but he didn’t listen as he looked around at the paintings on the walls. He focused on everything but Phil in front of him. He just wanted the memory of Phil and him being happy to replace the one of Phil leaving.

Phil reached across the table and took Dan’s hands in his, pulling him away from his face, the napkin falling on the table, “Dan, look at me.”

Dan refused to look so Phil repeated his words.

Then Dan finally looked.

“I know you’re having a tough time with this and I am too, but just know that everything is gonna be okay,” Phil said softly, “And you’re right, you can come and visit me and we can go visit all of these wonderful places.”

Dan nodded and smiled, tears still softly rolling down his skin, “If you promise?”

“If you don’t forget,” Phil said with a smile. Dan chuckled, they joked occasionally about Dan’s condition, but it was always in good taste and spirits.

The rest of the coffee date went by faster than they would have liked. But it soon came time for Phil to get his things from his hotel room and make sure he had everything packed. Dan offered to come with him but Phil told him to rest.

So Dan reluctantly went back to his apartment, but not without kissing Phil one last time before departing.

Dan was still laying on his bed when his phone chimed. Picking up, he noticed he had a text message from Phil, letting him know he made it to the airport okay. Dan let a few tears fall down his cheeks because deep in his heart, he hoped Phil would knock on his apartment door and tell him he changed his mind, and that he was going to stay with him.

But that knock never came.

He remained in his bed, depression setting in because he wanted so dearly to be with Phil in his apartment. He was nearly ready to fall asleep when a thought rang in his head…he could get to the airport and see Phil one more time before he left!

Jumping up, but not too quickly, he rushed around his room and gathered his belongings, picking his phone back up, he scrolled through his numbers, hoping his old self had a Taxi company in his contacts. He found the contact and called them, telling them he needed an urgent Taxi to the airport. The company told him all the Taxi’s were out already on calls.

Defeated, his next resort was checking out the hours of the tube station nearest to him and what trains were still running to the airport. But he was unpleasantly surprised to see none of them were running right now. He didn’t know what to do. There was nothing he could do. His options were pretty limited here.

He Googled taxi places around him to try and call but nothing came up besides a rental car company down the street. But he wasn’t going to rent a car. He didn’t want to ever drive again! Maybe he wouldn’t have a choice. Driving the car would be his only option.

Closing his eyes, he hit the number on the screen and let it ring. Quickly, someone answered and he told them his situation. They gave him the location of their office and told him they would let him rent a car for 35 pounds for the night. So he left his apartment shaking on wobbly legs as he walked down the street, and took a right, seeing the place just down from him.

He was given a small four-door car to drive, the keys in his hand. He was scared beyond belief but he needed to get to the airport. As it stood right now, he probably wouldn’t even make it before Phil was through security and then he wouldn’t see him.

Dan started the car, his breathing quickening as he struggled to grasp the wheel without feeling like his entire control was slipping like that night in the rain. He slowly pushed his foot on the brake and let out a long breath as he shifted the car into drive, and then he drove.

He actually drove…

His eyes followed the roads, this time they weren’t wet. They were just normal roads. They weren’t standing in his way. They were a gateway between him and the love of his life. And soon, the signs for the airport came into view and he couldn’t believe. He couldn’t believe that he was actually here. He had drove successfully.

The airport was busy tonight, like always. But Dan was glad that he got there when he did, quickly parking before running inside. He didn’t even take note of where he was. He just ran. He ran, not even worried about the jarring of his head as he did so. He had no idea where he was going. He didn’t know what airline Phil was even flying. But his instinct told him where to go. So he followed them, dodging people in the process.

And he soon ended up near the the American Airlines gate. Looking around, he tried his best to see if he could spot Phil, but he knew in his heart it was going to be too late. But much to his surprise…he saw a tall dark haired man, walking in the queue as he neared security, already striping off a black peacoat.

Dan ran over to the line, outside of the velvet rope, “Phil!” He exclaimed.

The man turned and he saw for sure that it was Phil, and his blue eyes bore into his soul. Phil jumped out of the line, hoping over the rope before he swung his arms around Dan and holding him close, “Don’t leave me,” Dan cried, “I can’t be without you, Phil. You need to stay in England with me.”

Phil kissed the side of his head, “Dan, I need to go back, I have patients waiting for me.”

“Then take me with you,” Dan cried, pulling back and looking at Phil, “Let me go back to America with you! We’ll go together!”

“That’s crazy,” Phil said, leaning in a kissing Dan’s forehead delicately, “Your family is here. You deserve to be here.”

“But I want to be with you,” Dan pleaded, “You saved my life. You gave me this new outlook on my life that I almost never had. I owe you my life, Phil.”

“That’s not a reason to pick up everything and leave,” Phil said, reaching up and rubbing Dan’s tear stained cheeks.

“Phil,” Dan paused and hesitated, “I love you. I love you a lot and I don’t want to live knowing you’re not here. Please, let me go with you or stay with me.”

Phil looked at Dan with so much love and admiration that Dan melted, “I love you too Dan, I figured it out the first day I saw you that you were special.”

“Then stay,” Dan whispered, “Or let me go with you.”

Phil nodded and leaned in, kissing Dan soundly in a breathless kiss before pulling back and looking at him, “I’ll stay, Dan, I’ll stay with you.” Phil was crying now. “God, I’m so stupid. We’re so stupid.”

Dan smirked at him, “Then let’s be stupid together.”

Dan wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and yanked him close, crying tears of joy. He was so happy to hear Phil was going to stay with him. It’s all he ever wanted and now it’s happened.

They shared that special moment in the airport, a crowd gathered around them before they parted and left, in the car that Dan rented.

And Phil could never be more proud of him in that moment.

* * *

The clapping was loud, deafening almost. He saw the cameras around him, filming the scene in front of him as his name was announced and he walked out, looking into the studio audience and waving as he sat down on the white couch across from the host of Britain’s new top talk show host.

After that night at the airport, he and Phil sealed their relationship in breathless kisses and whispers. Phil moved his practice to England where he got his new license to practice while Dan worked on his recovery more and more everyday.

Eventually, Dan did exactly what he told himself he would do…and he wrote a book. He wrote a book that became the best selling work of fiction in the US and the UK and Dan was so astonished. His life was turned into such an anomaly that he had producers begging him for the rights to turn his book into a movie. And now he was on a talk show, sharing his life. In this time, he also had created a blog in which he has gained another massive following, but mostly from those who are looking at him as an inspiration to their own brain injuries and ways to get over it.

They called out Phil next, or Dr. Lester, and Phil walked out, waving at the cheering crowd around them. Dan smiled brightly at him, loving the look of his new husband as his ring glittered in the light. They married about six months prior, in a small intimate ceremony with both of their families. But it was perfect, and Dan wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

The entire time at the talk show, Dan laughed and cried slightly along with everyone else as he talked briefly of his experiences. Phil went into some medical talk about the procedure he used to help Dan. And then they even showed some photos of Dan while he was still in the hospital.

By the end of the show, they asked Dan who he wanted to play him in the movie adaption, and Dan jokingly said “Evan Peters”, even though they looked nothing alike. He just loved him as an actor.

The show ended and he and Phil walked off from the stage and back into their room. They grabbed their bags and belongings before leaving and exiting the giant building. Instantly, Dan was bombarded by fans who had copies of his book and were asking for autographs.

Taking it one person in a time, Dan signed as many books as he could before he felt Phil’s hand on his back, telling him they needed to move on. But before they could, Dan spotted a young boy, about the age of six, looking up at him with giant eyes, his head wrapped in a bandage. He looked up at Dan and handed him his book, and Dan bent down, signed the book and asking for his name. The boy didn’t answer but the mom chimed in, “He’s mute. He has a tumor that is affecting his motor skills and he doesn’t speak. But I read to him your story and it’s given him such a positive look on life, even so young. You’re truly an inspiration.”

Dan felt tears brim his eyes as he reached forward and hugged the trembling boy. This was the reason why Dan did what he did. He now had a purpose for his life, one that he couldn’t see prior to the accident. His life was full of meaning that he couldn’t even comprehend.

And that’s all because of one doctor who decided he wanted to take a chance.


End file.
